Lies I Told Myself At Lunch Today

– Pre-meal chips and salsa don’t count as food or calories, because they’re before the meal. When the real food goes into my belly, it wipes away any trace of the food before it, like a squeegee. Therefore, the nutritional content (or lack thereof) of an appetizer is a non-issue.

– It’s ok if I eat more french fries, because these are thin-cut. Thin-cut fries have more surface area, hence less actual potato in the middle. It looks like a huge amount on the plate, but it’s only because of all the air in between them. Because of the thin-cuttingness, you see. Also, potatoes are good for you, because they’re a vegetable, and when you cover them in more vegetables (a shitload of ketchup), they’re WAY better for you.

– If I don’t finish the last shrimps on the plate, I’m wasting food and therefore cancelling out any environmental do-gooding that I ever do. If I finish my food, then at least the shrimps died for a good cause.

– I probably wasn’t going to eat dinner tonight anyway.

*Note: the aforementioned gorge-myself-until-I-nap meal was eaten at Tiago’s Cabo Grille, which is amazing and you should go to now. Just plan for some time to rest afterwards… if you do it right.

0 comments