Things I Learned in LA

I visited friends in Los Angeles for a week at the end of May. Below are the important tidbits that I learned while there and have added to my world-knowledge.

– Life is better when you don’t have to worry about being instantly drenched in sweat as soon as you step outside.
– The Pacific Ocean is f’ing cold. If choosing between the large masses of water I’m familiar with, I’d rather swim in the Gulf and deal with a few floating Band-Aids here and there than worry about potential hypothermia.
– The best sushi I’ve ever eaten ever in life is at a place called Sugar Fish in Santa Monica. I WILL be going there next time I visit the area, and you should too.
– Don’t try and see a play while intoxicated, unless you’re ok with napping intermittently during the final act.
– If I ever had to imagine what French Stewart’s private man-junk looked like, I know for sure now and don’t have to pretend anymore.
– I saw a hawk grab and start to eat a squirrel, then fly away with it in its sharp little birdfeet. No important life-facts there, it was just really cool.
– Tim Burton is an amazing artist, and I want to know more about him and his wonderful warped brain.
– Judd Nelson is alive and well. I know this because I sat down the row from him at a play, then touched his pants when I walked by him. True story. This is the same play I tried to see while intoxicated.
– Clowns aren’t as scary as I thought. Well, maybe some of them are. But I met some in LA that were nice and didn’t even try to kill me and wrap me in a cotton candy cocoon.
– When you are coming off a drunkening, do NOT chew Orbit Sweet Mint gum. The terrible sweetness will make you want to puke enough that you’ll take the gum out of your mouth and hold it, but since you’re still kinda drunk, you’ll just keep holding the gum until you forgot that you were holding it, and then when you remember, you’re like “oh hey, gum!” and then put it in your mouth to chew it… aaaand repeat.

I love LA.

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