My web search history reflects almost exactly the random disaster of thoughts that are going through my head just about all the time.
“how much does a rodeo clown make per year”
“mariachi Mexico ski costume”
“eye strings allergies”
“mac spin kick sunny”
“what is barry short for”
“eddie money pizza”
“does god have a flan”
“indian nba players”
“google chrome cat theme”
The biggest mistake that the internet made today was giving me actual search results for my impulse query of “where should I buy a monkey” instead of answering back in large black letters to “NO DO NOT BUY A MONKEY” along with the distraction of a redirect to a page of photos of dogs doing funny things. Instead, I was directed to PrimateStore.com, where I learned that if I want to buy a monkey, I should actually buy TWO monkeys because they need to have friends. There’s a lot of other information in there about how much responsibility it is, and how much attention they need, and some other crap, but the only part that I actually really read and remembered was “BUY YOUR MONKEYS BY THE PAIR.” *
My use of google search is also indicative of my need to have more information about basically everything I think about. If the internet ever stops one day, my brain will settle into idle mode, as I will have nothing to back up my thoughts.
(*I am (probably) not actually going to buy two monkeys or even one monkey, you dummies who are going to write me and say that people should not buy monkeys. I don’t think a monkey would be happy in my house since I don’t subscribe to cable, and also I couldn’t afford to buy a monkey. Or two monkeys. Probably.)