A friend at work forwarded me the below email that I had sent her almost a year ago. It reminds me how much I love baked potatoes, and also how good I am at writing songs. From: Breanne S Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:38 AM To: Melissa E Subject: …
So, you don’t feel well and you live in South Texas? Well, kind reader, there’s no need to look any further — I have the answer to your sicky woes. With today’s technology (along with my incredible insightfulness (which Computer tells me isn’t a word but I’m going to go …
Seriously, people. If you live in South Carolina, Spartanburg specifically, stop trying to buy electronics in parking lots. I know Best Buy is really a drag, but at least they give you actual electronics in return for your money. Last week, a 22 year old girl bought an “ipad” for …
INT. BOX FACTORY – MORNING Breanne is working when she overhears the Production Manager and VP of San Antonio talking in the VP’s office, right next to hers. They’re talking about magnets, presumably about their contribution to the giant machinery in the plant. Breanne stops working and pokes her head …
INT. BOX FACTORY – DAY PRODUCTION MGR – hands Breanne a camera Hey. BREANNE Hey T-Bone. PRODUCTION MGR Why do you keep calling me that? BREANNE It’s my new nickname for you. Do you like it? PRODUCTION MGR No, I don’t. Can you please email me the photos on that …
You know those songs that you think you know the words to until you’re actually singing them in public and everyone stares at you? As I grow older, I’m coming across more and more of those. Most of these songs are songs that I’ve “known” since childhood… little did I …
This morning, our HR lady bought a bunch of nice, big, ripe peaches and brought them to the office. She brought me one after lunch that she had put aside for me, since I had missed the rush and clamor that morning of all the fatties trying to get to …
I work in the middle of nowhere. No, seriously. Across the street from the office, there is a giant lumber warehouse. One one side of us, there is a grove of trees and on the other side is a corn field (or cabbage, or cauliflower, or whatever’s in season). So, …
I fear I may be losing credibility at work. In a search of my outgoing emails containing the word “important” in the subject line, I find 3 emails to my boss. In each of the emails are: a gif of a ninja squirrel (Important Ninja Squirrel), a video of a chimpanzee riding …
I got a phone call from mom while I was at lunch. Approximate transcript as follows. INT. WHATABURGER – SMALL BOOTH – LUNCHTIME Me: <phone rings, volume is set too loud. Ringtone: Muffin Top> Y….ello. Mom: Hi. Where are you? Me: Uh… Whataburger? Why? Mom: Do you have a …
