It happened at that one music show…

Last Friday night, I went with a few friends to a Nico Vega and She Wants Revenge show down at the White Rabbit. I learned about the show that afternoon, and since I heart Nico Vega, I wanted to go to there. I’m a pretty huge disaster emotionally if I don’t have tickets in-hand for a show, so we were at the venue at 8:45 for 9:00 doors. We got in with no problems, swung by the bar to grab some beers, and secured a spot center stage about 5 feet back from the stage. There, we waited for NV to play at 10.

The crowd started to fill in for Nico Vega, though it wasn’t as packed as it would be for She Wants Revenge. A girl sidled up next to me, a little close for how sparse the crowd was at that point. She looked like a combination of Baby Spice and the sister of the roommate of Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids (the one with the Mexican worm tattoo). She wore a tank top, a short skirt, purple tights, and combat boots. Her long dark hair was bleached, roots grown out about 1″ and pulled into high pigtails. She had multiple facial piercings and bright makeup and was covered in tattoos. I’m all about diversity and people being beautiful in their own ways, but this girl was also a real asshole, which made me see the ugly things about her (there were so many!). Also, her eyes bugged out about 1″ from her sockets. She would be called GoogleFace for the rest of the night, bc of the thing with her eyes, and because her face was just kind of a mess anyway, and because she was such a dick that she necessitated a nickname. It just sounded right.

I can’t exactly pin how I deemed her an asshole so easily. It was just one of those things where you can feel that the person is there next to you as competition, just waiting to push you out of the way, instead of being at the show to enjoy some music. So no, she never really “did” anything to me. Or, she hadn’t yet at that point.

GoogleFace made friends with the guy standing on the other side of her. I think he introduced himself as Logan. He spoke with an English accent… sometimes. He had glasses and a bald head and I THOUGHT he looked friendly. Instead, I heard him ask GoogleFace if we were her friends, bc “that bitch is staring daggers into your head.” I assume he was talking about one of my companions, who tends to space out and stare at people. Regardless – that’s when the passive-aggressive war began.

They pushed in front of me, but I held my ground and didn’t move back. Eventually, they moved to the side a little bit so they could be a little more comfortable since I was not budging. GoogleFace had a friend who joined up with her, a tiny guy who looked like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite except thinner, smaller, gay, and with piercings all over his face. Since I am super original, my nickname for him was GayPedro. GayPedro, GoogleFace, and Logan were just three peas in a pod – BFFs forever. They took a few BFF photos together, 4″ in front of my face. Logan shared his flask of whatever clear liquor he had on him. BFFs.

Logan kept yelling at GoogleFace, trying to have a conversation DURING THE SET, again – right in front of my face. He was mocking the singer of Nico Vega, which was agitating me… poor Logan just couldn’t do anything right, in my book. Then he got worse. He decided that to cause further damage to my music experience, he would let girls in from the side to squeeze in front of me for a closer spot to the stage. Not cool, Logan. The girls that he was allowing to “get in front” were… large. They did not fit in the space he was directing them towards. That also was not cool. At least they were short, I guess. Apparently, he was also telling them to get in front of me because he disliked me or something, as I overheard one girl whisper to the other one something to that effect. The other girl said “no shit?!” and glanced back at me and laughed. Super. During the times that Logan was standing in front of me, he kept slicking the sweat down the back of his stupid bald head. I closed my mouth and eyes and looked away every time – partly because it was GROSS and I didn’t want to puke and partly because I was sure he was going to try to flick it into my face. Fucking Logan… well, shortly after, Logan started smoking SOMETHING out of a homemade foil pipe. I didn’t smell any pot, and I have since been informed that he could have been smoking meth or crack since there was minimal smoke and smell. I’m not so knowledgeable about anything to do with substance abuse beyond my own drinking, so I have absolutely no idea what illicit shit Logan was trying to pull. Regardless, Logan was distracted at that point. He disappeared before the end of the She Wants Revenge set… good riddance. No word on whether or not he had picked up his English accent again before he left.

To remember this special event (I know it was special because GoogleFace kept reaching around me to grab GayPedro’s shoulders and scream at him “WE’RE ACTUALLY HERE! THIS IS HAPPENING!”), GayPedro was taking photos of the SWR show. He was using a 35mm camera, which cracked me up. Wait, that makes me sound elitist, like if you use a 35mm, you’re awful, behind the times, ridiculous, etc. Not true. Let me clarify: GayPedro was using a yellow Kodak disposable 35mm camera. Can you even buy those anymore?! What the hell. I generally would have “accidentally” bumped into him each time he was framing his shot, since he had adequately pissed me off by continually and drunkenly stepping on my feet (as well as constantly hitting me in the head with his head and arms while dancing like he was having a freaking seizure), but he was so intoxicated (or whatever) that he was already taking pictures of the back of people’s heads anyway.

Those three were the worst. I was seriously expecting them to be waiting by my car when we got out of the bar, but luckily they were passed out or jailed or being assholes somewhere else by that point. Other than that, the shows were AWESOME!