Today, I head for LA. I’m going for no good reason except that I have a free flight and a free place to stay and lovely friends who live there. Generally, lots of interesting things happen while I’m out and about, but I forget to tell anyone… So, here. Now I’m telling EVERYONE.
First off, there are two guys sitting across the row from me, waiting to board in our terminal. They apparently have just met and are sharing and growing their friendship by talking about their technology. One has an iMac open and they’re talking about mp3s, conversion methods, and the best way to do this or that. I’m just about dying while keeping my mouth shut. YOU’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG, THERE’S A MUCH EASIER WAY, ALL THOSE THINGS YOU’RE SAYING ARE STUPID!
Unlike the majority of travelers, I like the TSA. I think they do a difficult job, and I think they do a great job of having to deal with so many assholes all day long. Like I do with most people whom I assume are having a rough time at their jobs, I also try to bring a little sunshine into their day. Joking, flirting, or just a smile – I figure it’s a huge change from the rest of the people who are pissed that they have to take off their shoes. I had plenty of opportunity to make friends with TSA this morning, as the guy who was in front of me in the security line had obviously never been to an airport before – he was a real pain in my ass. He pulled out 4 bins, used 2 of them for his things, and left the other 2 empty in front of my bins. He then didn’t take his shoes off until he was told, and didn’t take his belt off when the sassy black TSA lady told him to. After he got turned around when he tried to walk through WITH his belt on, she yelled at him “Did you not HEAR me when I told you to take it off the other 3 times?!?” Pretty sassy. I was pleased when she let me pass through before him and thumbed at him at said “psh, THAT guy” and shook my head. As I was guided into the full body scan, another TSA agent said something about the guy with the belt and I said that that guy NEVER listens. He laughed and said that since he works for the government, he never listens either, so he can’t really say much. I laughed, he laughed. We’re like, best friends now. I was enjoying myself at this point, so when I was told to put my hands over my head in the full body scanner, I swung my arms up and struck a pose with one hand holding the other wrist. I might have said “bam.”
My happiness level dipped a bit when I was asked if one of the bags pulled aside was mine… Yes. Of course it would be. A friendly TSA man walked me to the table with my bag and reminded me to not touch my bag while it was on the table. I held my tongue, as this is always the point where i want to say “damn, i thought i left all my bomb supplies at home!” Quite a bad idea, i think. anyway, he asked if there was anything in my bag that could hurt him. I mumbled something about only his fashion sense would be hurt. He laughed, and we were BFF immediately. I explained to him that my suspicious looking stuff was probably in the separate top section. While I don’t necessarily mind somebody tossing my clothes, I do mind repacking them in the middle of an airport. He looked through the top section and pulled out a small opaque zip bag that has my Clarisonic brush in it. I panicked, thinking OMG, THEY THINK IT’S A WEIRD SEX TOY AND IT’S ILLEGAL. As soon as I could manage a sane sounding sentence to be formed in my head, I blurted out “IT’S FOR MY FACE!” He laughed at me, took a glance in the bag, and put it back in my luggage. He told me that in the scanner, it looks like a stun gun (take note, ladies – don’t pack your Clairsonic too deep in your carry-on bag).
So, I’ll probably have a date with my new TSA BFFs pretty soon. I’m excited. I’m totally going to search them before they walk into my house, though.