My Duty to Protect and Serve, but mostly Tweet.

Last Saturday evening, I was privileged enough to do a ride-along with one of my friends, an Austin police officer (referred to here on out as “The Enforcer”). He was sucker enough to say yes when I asked him if I could ride with him and live-tweet “our” shift. The following is what happened when BrePD hit the streets.

• #BrePD (@ Clinton Hunter Police Substation)
— We had to do some paperwork. I signed something, though I’m not really sure what. Maybe it was something like “hey, you could get shot.” I’m not sure… either way, good to go. We loaded up the car, plugged in the radar gun and phone charger, checked the lights and the whoooop noises, and headed out to regulate whatever needed regulation.

• Austin kids, behave. Tonight, I am regulating the streets on my ride-along & am not afraid to enforce my interpretation of the law. #BrePD
— Rolling out, The Enforcer (henceforth known only as “Enforcer”) let me pick which of the active calls we would head towards. Missing person, needed a report taken. Important… yet boring. Collision report… boring. Shoplifter… ok. Good enough – I should start slow, anyway.

• First call, shoplifting at jcp. The sunglasses she was trying to steal were a crime in themselves. #BrePD
— Ah, kids. A pair of pre-teens decided they wanted some sunglasses and a tank top, but didn’t want to have to pay money for them. Well, ladies — do you know what happens when you steal? THE LAW HAPPENS! Released to parental custody… I’m sure they’ll be trying to steal JLo sunglasses again in no time.

• Radaring things like a son of a bitch. #BrePD
— Enforcer (whom I will be further referring to as EForce) knows me too well and knew the thrill I’d get from getting to play with the radar gun. He was also well-prepared for me to say PEW PEW PEW for the next 5 minutes while pointing the radar out the window (as well as at him).

• Next call, a city bus clipped the side window of a truck. Maybe that guy should’ve gotten a bus pass. #yeeeeiiiiaaaa #caruso #BrePD
— Boring. I stayed in the car but listened to him through the mic on his belt. There were no fights, no screamed racial slurs, and no contesting what happened. Oh well.

• This call was taking an accident report. Luckily, my officer is bilingual. I understood some of the convo, as I am eh-lingual. #BrePD
— I got out of the car for this one. The two Hispanic people who were filing the report (of their car that got hit & run…ned while they were at work) kept looking at me like I had anything to contribute. I just smiled back, thinking “I can only understand 40% of what you guys are talking about.”

• Expired insurance sticker? Pulled over, bitches. “oh, is it expired?” Psh, in february. LEARN YOUR LESSON. #BrePD
— Saturday is also the day that I learned that PD running your plate can see if your registration sticker is up to date. Good to know… as far as the other one, they can only tell if that’s expired if they see it. So, if you want to skate on that one, just be sure to keep ahead of the cops. Maybe OJ had an expired inspection sticker…

• At a house bc the guy saw some kids throw “something” at the house next door and run away. #BrePD
• “ok, do you remember what they were wearing?” “yeah. jeans. No, shorts. And white shirts.” Very narrowed down, dude. #BrePD
— Apparently the description of these guys wasn’t so bad, because we got radio from another cop down the street that they had found the kids. We headed over for investigations.

• Watching a questioning of the kids thought to have pulled the shenanigans. Wearing shorts! They seem nice enough, I guess… #BrePD
— Again, I stayed in the car. I turned the mic up and listened to the kids that were cahooting explain to the two officers how they’d been doing nothing all day, just chillin’ and whatnot because it was so hot outside. Meanwhile, a kid that had been laying partially hidden in a ditch got up and ran off when he thought the officers weren’t looking. They saw him. You are not sneaky, Sneakerson.

• Shoplifting at walmart. That one was kinda sad… I don’t have much to say about it. #BrePD
— Sophomore in high school shoplifted $100+ in baby clothes. She had her toddler and 1 month old baby in tow. Once it was figured out how much everything was worth, her mother was called to pick up the children while she was taken to the juvenile detention center. It was not her first time getting caught for stealing. Bummer. Pro tip: Stop stealing shit.

To be continued…