– Did you know we all almost died yesterday? While everyone was foolin’ around, playing jokes on each other, an asteroid sauntered right by Earth, closer than the moon passes by us. Internet says that it had “no chance of hitting us.” Uh huh. Neither did Melancholia — that’s all I’m sayin.’ Oh, also, go see the movie Melancholia.
So, as a recap, a 150ft wide monster space chunk came THISCLOSE to destroying a section of the world yesterday. Oh, also, 2 other asteroids came pretty close to hitting us the Monday before that. NBD. So, time to write your wills, you guys… which actually won’t matter at all when we’re all smashed to bits by a giant rock.
– Since I’ve been all over Pinterest, I’ve been fawning over things that are decidedly more girly than before. That means I’m totally (kinda) up to date on all the hot new fashion trends! Come to find out, all the trends are mostly dumb. Case in point: caviar manicures. These had their premiere recently on the runway, where just about everything is stupid. How they started to trickle into mainstream life blows my mind, though… do people not realize how ridiculous it is? There will be tiny beads all over the floor as the beads start to fall off. Haven’t these people ever seen what happens in cartoons when there are tiny beads all over the floor? Disaster and hilarity and Three Stooges noises will ensue! I mean, the look seems kinda cool, but is definitely not suited for real life use and consumption — kinda like Helena Bonham Carter.
Incidentally, if these were made with sugar sprinkles instead of plastic ones, I would be more ok with them.
– Do you need new art for your home? Do you like diabetes and the ‘beetus lifestyle? WELL SIR, I have just the thing for you!
For some reason, this piece of art exists in the world. And for each thing that makes you say “oh my sweet jesus how is this allowed to be in existence,” there is somebody who thinks “oh my sweet jesus that would look perfect on my fireplace.” So, all you readers who are mostly insane, here you go. Be sure to put it in a nice frame.
– “Up to 1.5 million” Visa and Mastercard numbers in North America have been stolen by a bunch of jerks. How did it happen? Oh, idk – hackers? Shrugsies. When? Well, between January and February-ish, though nobody realized it until March-ish. Watch your CC statements very carefully, everyone, or at least be aware that the life-sized bigfoot garden statue you finally bought from SkyMall might be flagged by Visa.