Things from the Internets, 8/23

• Of all the things on the internet that you missed today, this was one of them. Have you ever seen beetles make a rat disappear? It’s like magic, but with less illusions and more chewing/eating. Thanks for allowing me to add this to my imagination-arsenal, science!

• I’ve been trying to ignore the Courtney Stodden situation, hoping it would go away, but it will not. A marriage between a 51 year old and a 16 year old should never happen at all, yet somehow we get to sit and watch the train wreck of faux-celebrity crash all around them. Anyway, she and her new husband Doug Hutchison (who they keep saying was in Lost, but I don’t really remember him and would prefer not to sully its good name by continuing to cite that) are really in love and just can’t wait to be on their upcoming reality show. As Doug says in the video, “Fifty-one plus sixteen equals love.” I threw up right then, but after I cut back a few seconds to hear Courtney’s response, “Sexy love! Sexy love!,” well, I threw up again. As Courtney seduces us with the strap of her tank top slipping so very gently down her SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SHOULDER, she tells us why she fell in love with her husband – his face, his body, his sexy hair… yep, sounds about like what a 16 year old would say. As dear sweet Courtney, who has PROBABLY already gotten her first period, goes on to explain how she is similar to Pammy Anderson, she reminds me of another blonde “celebrity” from not too long ago.
This will end well, I just KNOW it.

Bonus! To make you feel extra filthy about the whole situation, here are a few of this SIXTEEN YEAR OLD’S more recent tweets:
– Off to run my productive-fulfilled errands under the humid sky, while nothing but utter sex-appeal slowly drips from my rill curvy-bod. ;-x
– Dipping myself into a creamy satin dress that whispers nothing but sweet seduction… Purrrrr! ;-x
– Experiencing such a wet ‘n wild afternoon by turning on a water hose and squirting it all over my heated flesh! Mmm feeling rejuvenated! XOs
– Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
– Stepped my paws into a sexy wet cat-suit; Prowling mysteriously around the house while lickin’ my lips searchin’ for some nip! MEEEOWWW! 😉

• Word on the street is that iphone is coming to Sprint. This is good news because I was in fear that my precious Sprint would cave under the fact that every other carrier carried the iphone and everyone wants an iphone because it’s an iphone so go where the iphone is. This is bad news beacuse I am TERRIFIED that my data speeds will crash once everyone who was not yet using a smart phone will buy an iphone and smash my data speeds to bits. So, good for you, Sprint. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for us all.

• Earthquake today in Virgina. Earthquake yesterday in Colorado. Luckily, we’re safe here in Texas, ha ha ha… suckers. Oh, right, except for the devastating drought that’s killing everything and breaking our houses and water pipes and just ruining all of our lives. But haha, no earthquakes here!