Things You Probably Forgot About

• Repossessed – Linda Blair and Leslie Nielsen perform in the roles of their careers. Rating a stunning 4.3/10 stars on IMDB, Repossessed has proven to be a film for the ages. By what I remember from watching it nonstop from when I was around 11 to 14 years old, this was a great movie. My 13 year old self highly recommends it!

• PB Max – This was my absolute favorite candy treat. I haven’t seen them anywhere recently, which is probably better since I would buy the entire store/internet out. Internet tells me that they were discontinued because of the family’s (Mars) “dislike for peanut butter.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??! Number one, SELFISH. Number two, if you don’t like peanut butter, don’t eat them. Don’t deprive all the happy fat kids of all of the PB Max. What are they supposed to sneak as snacks after school – RICE CAKES!? You’re killin’ me, Mars.

• Mysterious Cities of Gold – I watched this cartoon so much, but nobody else remembers it. There was a pretty Indian girl (feather not dot), a white kid (well, wiki says he was Spanish, but he’s definitely a white-colored cartoon), and some goofy nutty… uh… Aztec/Inca/South American kid. Also, there was an airplane shaped like a bird – the Golden Condor. The theme song is really catchy, and though I don’t remember enough of the show to remember that it was good, I simply can’t get it out of my head because nobody else in the world remembers that it existed.

• Units – Whoever invented these outfits were amazing, creative, and super lazy. Units were a bunch of different cuts of the same fabrics that you could mix and match all over the place. They were shapeless, stretchy, and cottony. And then you added a bandeau belt. I wore a lot of units and had a nice teal set that I wish I could find. I don’t want to brag, but I had a few different colors of belts, to spice it up. I was pretty sweet action, if I do say so myself. I would post some photos of Units, but all photos of Units on the internet have been destroyed, apparently.

• Kaepa – Dad had some sort of “in” with Kaepa, so one day he brought home four pairs of white tennis shoes for the family and a whole shitload of different colored triangles to switch out. I remember that we had a large mason jar full of them. This provided endless fashion opportunities for me, matching with every outfit, until I realized that those shoes were not cool – not at all. Glad I didn’t throw out those Keds!

• Lionel Ritchie Hello video – Creepy. So creepy. He’s a teacher that falls in love with his pretty blind student, then creeps around her house when she’s in a bath robe… metaphorically? I guess you could see this as him being so much in love and always watching over her or something. You can also just see it as LR being kinda weird, and then later being a kinda weird clay sculpture that’s just a little off… kinda cavemanish. Anyway, apparently it was ok to sneakily stalk blind people in the 80s. Legislation has become stricter since then.

• Johnathan Taylor Thomas – JTT is known for being the tiny heartthrob Randy from the late 90’s TV show about construction how-to’s, Home Improvement. He also starred in many other things, such as (imdb him yourself if you’re that interested). My heart and soul were smashed into millions of little pieces when I found out that he just turned 30 years old – I thought he was way younger than me. Not that much, I guess. Incidentally, he’s still pretty cute, and if I were a lewd and gross guy, I would definitely say that “I’d hit that.” So, happy bday, JTT – you’re nearly as old as I am, which is pretty freakin’ old!

• Slap Bracelet – Weapon concealment at its finest. I had several friends who had cuts on their arms and various body parts (including foreheads!) from seeing what happens when you slap this piece of metal wrapped in fabric on a different part of your body. What happens is that it cuts you, and you probably bleed. Dangerous. They definitely would not be allowed on airplanes today if they were still a thing. Also, they are still a thing. If anybody buys a 50-pack, can I have a few please? Thaaaanks.