What The Internet Is Searching For

The admin dashboard of my blog shows me a lot of things, but my most favorite thing is the results of search traffic. This is a brief rundown of how people found my page organically (google, bing, yahoo, AOL (!??!)) and what they were searching for when they were shoved violently into my internets. My reading through these results all the time is not to be creepy (no more than my regular level of creepy, anyway), but to find out what you people are wanting to read that I post so that I can cater to your wants/needs/desires or at least be aware when I’m blatantly ignoring what people like to read. Also, no surprise — my posts with the most idiotic content get the most hits.There are several groups of people that discover this site accidentally.

Some find exactly what they’re looking for and I’m glad to have helped:

– franklin comes alive netflix (along with any number of variations of Arrested Development fake content that showed up before S04 was released on Netflix)
– cats in boxes (duh)
– marc summers twitter (my digital brush with early 90s fame)
– not penny’s boat tote (I was a complete LOST nerd for a while, as are these searchers)
– shoot double paned window with pellet gun (I can only assume this googler is the one who shot my window)
– crosswalk tricycle kids (happy to provide a link to great comedy)
– protect and serve, installment 2 (this guy knows what he’s looking for. #BrePD)
– babysitting a pot bellied pig (pig babysitting 101: allow pig to set up his own home, because nothing you do will ever be good enough for pigs)Some people must be terribly disappointed in how useless their search engine has been in providing them pertinent and useful information:

– austin police ride along (Many searches for this by students or cadets, I assume, looking for actual usable information in their justice-y futures. Nope. Try again.)
– bananas (I am not a good resource of general banana information. Try again.)
– why is my dog leaving poop smears on carpet? (I have only addressed Roomba leaving poop smears on carpet. Sorry. Maybe see a vet/groomer to express those anal glands though?)
– replaced my brakes and now my car is acting weird (Do not ever take my advice on car maintenance, ever. Or, as a more realistic option, do not ever take my advice on anything ever.)

– will they make csi san antonio (I don’t know, but I am willing to sign some sort of petition to make it happen)
– is t-bone a good nickname (not sure if I’ve actually addressed this previously, but the answer is yes. Yes it is.)
– can i say forgettingness? (Again, never previously addressed. APPROVED.)Then, there are the other category of people who find my blog… people that I am not sure how to categorize, but thank God for the internet, because I’m not sure you could search for this info at your local public library:

– old mexican sluts on tumblr (hrm.)
– good morning corn (I need punctuation! Is this telling corn good morning, or it it some sort of breakfast corn cup?)
– taylor robinson said you were awesome bre at show and tell (Is this the beginning of an email accidentally typed into a search bar instead?)
– песня i brecat has a roll has a roll i am call (wha?)

Above all, though, my most valuable piece of webspace is found by any variation of the following phrases: netflix ancient aliens, why did netflix remove ancient aliens, ancient aliens giorgio tsoukalos hair, will ancient aliens come back netflix, and so on. Hundreds of people are searching for answers to these questions. It was removed from Netflix in late 2012, yet people are still searching daily for the reason why. I hope those poor lost souls can soon find the search results they’re looking for and finally rest.